I love good food. I love cooking. I even love meal planning. Well, I would love it more if my house was tidy and I didn’t have a million other things to do. Meal planning feels more like a big chore when it’s one more thing on a very long to-do list. And it takes me forever these days as I am planning every meal, not just dinner, and I can’t rely on some of our old standbys.

I suppose a lot of my life has revolved around food since we had kids and committed ourselves to a whole foods diet. It is time consuming to plan and prepare wholesome meals and snacks for a family. And now that we will be doing the GAPS diet for the next year or more, I find my days, and even nights (yes, I have been dreaming about food preparation), consumed with food. And we’re not even entirely on the diet yet! (March 4th is the day we start GAPS in earnest).

I hope that I will get into a groove in the next couple months and become more efficient about sourcing, planning and preparing our food, because right now, I don’t get much done beyond caring for the baby, doing school, making food and cleaning up the kitchen. Oh, and I wash diapers every two days. Once in a while another load gets thrown in between the diaper loads, but there are days when I have people wondering where their clean underwear is. You don’t want to see my bathrooms at the moment! Or my floors. Or……

I’m a bit overwhelmed, but I think I am doing pretty well accepting my limitations. Just feeling sorta under the surface anxious. Anxious about whether I can really keep up with all the work involved in this way of eating. Anxious about all the things I feel I still need to learn and research in order to do this well. Where do I find the time? I have always struggled with fear of failure, and while I am really not dwelling on these things, I know this tendency in me is what is making me feel a little anxious some days. Heaven forbid I run out of soup stock, or we resort to rice or potatoes with a meal some night. You know. I will just need to keep reminding myself that Jonas’ healing is not going to be undone by my less than perfectness. No point in worrying over tomorrow. I just need to do what I need to do for today.

Another thing I am trying to work through and find balance with is my controlling nature when it comes to what Jonas eats. Because he is a picky eater and I have always worried about him getting enough variety and nutrition, my impulse is to micromanage his eating, and that is not a good thing. I need to help him achieve a healthy relationship with food. I want to empower him, and in order to do that, I need to step back a bit. I’m just not certain how best to do that, especially now that we are on a rather restrictive diet that requires him to eat certain things. Bridget is a very adventurous eater, and she actually prefers meats and vegetables, so I am pretty laid back with her. But Jonas – I need to figure out how to give him more freedom and trust while still ensuring that he gets the nourishment he needs to heal his stomach. I am proud of how well he has been doing lately. He often eats more and complains less than he used to. He is handling this well so far.

I am actually looking forward to this process. I do better once I am in the midst of things than when I am in this sort of in between, figuring things out, waiting period. This is going to be good for all of us.